there is a gaping hole in my arm as i am typing this so sorry that i dont use proper punctuation, i dont consider my texts completely unreadable anyway
i am obviously not the most healthy person on earth whether physically or mentally, just go ask my sleep schedule
im also probably a little bit more at risk of dying than the average person, at least thats what my anxiety tells me
im also ghosting all the people i know left and right, unless you know me in school which makes that a little bit harder to do
some people may ask if im alive, whether it be a good thing to them or not, some people want me dead you know
this is a guide to check wheether i, rain in the background, am alive or not
this also doubles as links to my social media which is pretty cool
ways you can find out if im alive sorted by how reliable it is go:

1. obviously the most reliable way of telling if im alive is meeting me in real life, especially in school which i dont really like to be absent
   easy if you have known my real life self first before my online self because its likely i met you somewhere i go all the time in real life
   if you see me in real life and im alive, im alive, duh, but if you dont see me in real life you wont know if im alive or not
   pretty reliable for certain people, because i am obliged whatever way to be absent as little as possible especially with bad reasons like i want to pretend i died or something
   
2. i have an obligation to post onto my art tumblr everytime it hits 10pm here unless i am asleep
   i draw whatever i want there, whether a tiny object surrounded by a large barely visible japanese character or some monstrosity that i close my eyes and imagine when i try to sleep
   i havent broken the streak since i started it and probably wont for a while, especially not for a bit, but its not that reliable since i can just sleep past 10pm
   overall i think its pretty reliable because it forces me to go to sleep early which is something i consistently cant do somehow
   this is given that i dont break my obligation which is something i hate to do honestly
   
3. i reblog stuff on my non-art tumblr account
4. i am addicted to some things like spotify that i cant spontaneously stop using if i didnt force myself to
   my listening activity being private so you can just see if my playlists have songs added or shifted, this is very unreliable if i can just stop adjusting my playlists
   
5. this website, faintandasphyxiate.com (its not a link because faintandasphyxiate.com leads nowhere)
   if you know any of the pages on the website you can check to see if anything changed because im the only one who can edit the websites
   obviously if the website is down you can infer that i could be dead because noone wants to pay for a dead persons website or just i stopped the website which is something i wont really do unless i really need money
   i dont know if i update the websites more than my youtube channel or not
   this page wont be updated that much though unless i have new social media etc
   
6. i make roblox games occasionally
   i wont really play games but you can check my roblox account to see if im online there
7. i have a youtube channel
   i barely upload videos on there so its not going to help you a lot
   
8. i make games on my itch.io page
   pretty much as dead as my other hobbies
   
9. oh i dont upload songs on spotify, i upload it on my music youtube channel which has been inactive for a year at the time i am writing this, even worse than my main channel
   i will leave you to guess how reliable this one is
   
10. the least reliable source to check if im alive is this exact page, areyoualive.faintandasphyxiate.com
    why? because if something impossible happens i will put my suicide note on this site, dont worry though im way too good to kill myself
    

so now this part is what to do if i die
dont be sad
i wont be killing myself so if i really am dead it is probably because of an accident or maybe even old age even though that is a bit far away when i am writing this
i probably went to hell
i have done some crazy stuff that is morally wrong like stealing pens and rulers from my friends though not to the point where i can get into trouble with the law
another immoral thing ive done is lie, again not to a legally bad manner because im better than that
if you want to bring specific religions, i dont believe in a lot of gods, i think very negatively, i am generally a violent person, selfish, greedy, morally askewed, untrustworthy
obviously this website is from the past and i dont know what the future rain is like, hopefully a better person in general, hopefully they wont be as likely to go to hell now
seeing how many years ive been aware and unchanging of my vices i dont think that future rain is any better that the rain i know as i write this, really only time can tell

how to recognise me in real life
this is a list of unreliable and vague characteristics of me as of writing this that might help you identify me in public

• even though i use they/them right now, you dont know my gender, i could look like anything for all you know
  
• i look ugly and i havent had anyone comment on how i look like so i wouldnt know what the average unbiased response is, my parents will always compliment and my friends rib
  these are ridiculously subjective but if you can tell if someone hates themself then maybe they could be me
  
• im very bad at fashion, i dont really care what im wearing whether it looks bad or completely jarring to look at
  
• my hair is also either way too long or way too short, asymmetrical, conformist, finicky, messy, sparse, bulbous, whatever and nothing at all
  
• im also fucking flat and skinny which is something i havent really cared about until now so like idk maybe that has changed by the time youre reading this
  
• i am also always injured somehow which right now i have a hole in my arm which you might be asking what the fuck and all i can say is me too
  my defining features are just scars and i dont even know why i have so many injuries
  
• one of the ways you can recognise me is im one of the people that are not there, i very rarely go out of my house outside of going to school so
  idk just identify someone who you only see on weekdays or something
  
• i stick to routine, you can probably see me do the same thing everyday
  i know these characteristics are way more distinct, though not down narrowing and an inconvenience to try to identify but thats the point, youre never going to find me, what im not handing you my legal name and address i already developed instinct to avoid doing that
  
• i am not normal
  i can be seen not conforming to anything, whether just not talking to anyone or doing something psychopathic although legally acceptable
  
• i dont believe you
  this is a very evil one but if someone asks me if im rain in the background in real life i will say i have never heard of that before, im decent at lying and good at keeping information so if you dont talk in code i wont give you your answers
  if i put enough of these vague descriptions they can narrow down all the people in the world into like 2 possible candidates or something so i will stop here so you can try to convince the other guy that they made a website that describes what they look like